who even listens to millionaire advice?

Look, I recently stumbled across an article titled something about millionaire advice for success. Like, who are these people, and why do we even listen to them? It’s as if they have some magic formula for success that the rest of us mere mortals are too stupid to figure out. But let’s be real. Half of those ‘self-made’ stories have a parental safety net, a ridiculous amount of luck, or some unexplained ‘investment’ that sounds fishy.

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Ever notice how their ‘advice’ seems to boil down to bland nonsense like ‘work hard’ and ‘stay focused’? Exactly the type of profound wisdom you’d get from a fortune cookie. I mean, ‘work hard.’ Sure, let me just wake up at 4 AM, like some robot in a dystopian novel, and hope that success falls into my lap. What about the guy who invented social media for cats? Bet he wasn’t waking up at dawn and drinking kale smoothies.

Then there’s the whole networking thing they keep harping on about—’Surround yourself with successful people.’ Oh yes, let me just call up my billionaire buddy and have brunch at his mansion. Meanwhile, the rest of us are drowning in student loans and hoping our boss doesn’t catch us scrolling Instagram at work.

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And don’t even get me started on the ‘don’t give up’ mantra. Like, okay, Janet, I’ll just conveniently disregard existential dread and constant self-doubt in the pursuit of my dreams. Meanwhile, they’re sitting in some ivory tower of privilege, sipping on organic ginger tea sourced from Mount Kilimanjaro. It’s almost funny.

I saw this ridiculous top-ten list online, and it’s all the same recycled advice. What if instead we had a ‘Top Ten Most Ridiculous Advice Given by Millionaires’? Now, that I’d read while eating my overly priced avocado toast.

So the real kicker? Most of us wouldn’t make it big even if we followed their steps to the letter. Life isn’t a one-size-fits-all cheat code. It’s like Monopoly—most likely, you’re not gonna own Boardwalk just because you follow the same moves.

My eyes still hurt. I need coffee. Ugh.