will your guitar boat float or sink? let’s find out.
Ever had one of those moments where you look at a regular, everyday object and think, “Could I use this for something vastly different?” I just saw a post (yes, it was a guitar boat… I know) that got me thinking about the poor Fender that’s sitting in the corner of my room gathering dust. Like, who even thought to put those two words together: guitar and boat? A hundred bucks says that person was probably three daiquiris in and just finished watching Titanic while strumming a power chord.
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Anyway, imagine paddling along a river with the curves of an acoustic under your butt. The visions of a sunk treasure trove of musical gear drifting down the riverbed are enough to give a musician nightmares. But, let’s be real — the image of it is hilariously awesome (or awesomely hilarious; pick your poison). I mean, do we really trust the structural integrity of something that’s meant to belt out a tune and not keep our keisters afloat? Seems like it would be about as seaworthy as a paper bag.
Curiosity piqued, I went down the rabbit hole of unbelievably strange contraptions people have invented. Turns out, there’s a whole lot of questionable designs out there. I found this whole subculture of attempting to float on things that just shouldn’t float. Like, what next? A drum set as a flotation device? “Hey guys, I’m going for a swim. Let me grab my snare drum to keep me buoyant.” Yeah, right.
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Oh, and then I realized something. A guitar might actually hold a bit of weight — like, if you’re a toddler or something. Not full-grown human weight. It’s not like yacht clubs will start renting out guitar boats instead of canoes anytime soon. But maybe, just maybe, we’re onto a potential gym class trend? Imagine telling someone, “Today, we’re going to do laps on these things.” Try explaining that one to the kids. You’ll have them laughing or crying… probably both.
Honestly, my eyes are still recovering from the flood of bizarre needs I never knew I had. Somebody get me an eye patch and some Advil. I’m not cut out for this world of nautical strings and frets.
