pets are not kids

Seriously. Can we stop acting like pets are these fragile little angels that need spa treatments, gourmet meals, and five-star accommodations just because someone has things to do? It’s as if Rover is the gateway app for people who think pampering a fluffy creature is better than, I don’t know, actually taking care of an existing human being. Host at home while working? Sure, as if the god-like creature sitting on your couch won’t demand more attention than a toddler on a sugar rush. Yeah, right, passive income my foot.

Honestly, you can slap a premium on anything if you convince someone it’s all in the name of love or whatever nonsense they’re buying into. “Oh, my pet Fluffy needs his own Instagram account because he’s such a personality!” No. Fluffy doesn’t need an account; Fluffy needs to get off your lap so you can stop scrolling through those mind-numbing feed updates. People pay to have someone walk their dogs while at work so they can get zero ounce of exercise themselves, running the delusion marathon called modern life. This specific text sums it all up.

Ever met one of those people who dress their dogs in matching costumes with them? They think it’s adorable. I think it’s proof of why aliens haven’t bothered introducing themselves yet because they see this kind of nonsense and think we’re just not worth it. And don’t even get me started on the menu shenanigans—raw diets, gluten-free meals for creatures that once used to fend for themselves in the wild. This madness has got to stop somewhere. Whatever.