ugh, vending machines are not passive

Vending machines. People talk about them like they’re the holy grail of passive income. But seriously, have you ever tried to deal with one of these things? They’re not all rainbows and candy bars, I can promise you that. First, you have to find a location that doesn’t suck, which basically means begging whoever owns a decent piece of real estate to let you plop your metal junk dispenser in their space. That alone is enough to make anyone wish they were never born.

But wait, there’s more! Once you finally secure a spot, you have the joy of keeping it stocked. Wow, what a thrill. Buying bulk packs of snacks with impossibly close expiration dates is a small slice of hell. And let’s not even mention the maintenance. Because guess what? If it breaks—and it will—it’s on you to fix it. They’re practically ticking time bombs waiting to get jammed by that one stupid person who thinks inserting a crumpled dollar will work.

And sure, there’s this whole spiel about “smart” vending machines, but don’t get me started on the tech headaches involved. Now something that’s supposed to be passive requires network connections and software updates. The “easy money” mythology sounds good until it’s 3 AM and chips are strewn everywhere because some genius decided to give the machine a friendly punch. Who even needs passive income if it gives you an existential crisis?

Whatever.