saving before investing? ugh.

So, all these financial gurus keep barking about starting an emergency fund. Yeah, saving 3-6 months of expenses before you even think about investing anything. Sure, makes complete sense if you’re made of money or have some magical vault where cash just reproduces on its own. Who has time to save up a conservation fund that just sits there like a glorified piggy bank doing nothing but collecting dust while your idiot friends are doubling their couple of dollars on stocks like Tesla? Unrealistic or just insane? I dunno. Maybe just both.

And then there’s that whole garbage about a psychological safety net or whatever they call it. Safety net, huh? How about a “let’s-stay-broke-forever” net instead? What even happens when some emergency comes along and you have to touch those sacred funds? It’s gone. Goodbye. And then you’re back to square one, feeling worse because you placed all your self-worth into some pile of supposed peace-out money that nobody told you would actually leave if it’s ever used. Great strategy! Real helpful.

Check this ridiculous advice blog if you want, for more laughs or tears—that’s your call.

I’m so done with pretending this is rocket science advice. Want to feel better about money? Maybe start by telling everyone to stop giving out obvious tips as if they just discovered fire. Whatever.